Heal my scars
by Dewi-Michelle
Summary: Leaf hasn't seen Gary seven years, ever since they seperated ways when they were twelve. She has become a depressed kid, with anorexia and scars on her arms, because of self-harming. What will happen when she meets Gary after seven years in a Pokécentre? ORS/LGS!Rated T, because of explicit themes. I suck at summaries. First story!


**Heal my scars**

**OldRivalShipping/LeafGreenShipping**

**Author Note: Hi everyone! This is my first story on my account. I've been wanting to write for a while, but never had the courage to actually upload something. But now, here it is; my first story. It's a one-shot though, and it's about Leaf and Gary. It's pretty heavy, so I warn beforehand that it contains some explicit themes. If you can't handle themes like anorexia and self-harming, I suggest you don't read this story. For all the others, enjoy! ~ Love, Dewi-Michelle.**

**Warnings: Explicit themes, anorexia, self-harming, heavy language, OOC-ness (I guess)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon**

Leaf's P.O.V.

My name is Leaf Green, I'm seventeen years old and I live in Pallet Town. I used to be a bright, perky girl, but that has changed now. From a happy toddler, I went to a depressed teenager. In my younger years, everything was fine. I grew up with Ash Ketchum and Gary Oak, two of my childhood friends. We've known each other since birth, doing practically everything together. Our parents have been friends, so we saw each other almost every day. As the years went by, the three of us were preparing for our journey through the Kanto region. When we reached the age of ten, we finally picked our first Pokémon. Ash stuck with Pikachu, Gary chose Squirtle and I went for Bulbasar. I've always loved Grass-type Pokémon's. Then, it was time to part ways and as I started my own journey, without my parents, Ash or Gary, everything started to go downhill. I became a distant, shy, lonely girl, who thought she was worthless. Everywhere, on the Pokénews and in the newspapers, I red about Ash and Gary. About the progress they made. About the potential the two contained. And then I looked at myself, only to conclude that I was a nobody. Sure, I had beaten some Gym-leaders, caught some Pokémon and made some progress too. But I would never be as good as Ash and Gary. When thinking about last-said person, I always feel some sort of pain in my chest. I've always been especially close with Gary Oak, sharing everything from ice-cream to secrets. But since I was ten, I haven't seen him. Sure, I've seen him on the news or on photo's in the newspaper, but I never saw him in real life, ever since we parted on the age of ten. Now, seven years have passed and I'm starting to worry about my future. Being a Pokémon trainer would never give me enough money to live from. I hardly battled. I only battled Gym-leaders and that's it. My dream has always been to follow Professor Oak in his footsteps. That's right, _the_ professor Oak. Gary's grandfather. I always loved studying Pokémon and I really wanted to follow his footsteps. But I probably will never reach that. I'm worthless. Ugly. Despicable. I won't achieve anything in my life. And I'll definitely will never make Gary Oak happy; the boy I've known my entire life. The boy who always teased me, but never failed to make me smile. And the boy who I've been crushing on since I was ten. He never ever left my mind these seven years. Every day, I still think about him. Oh, how I wish to see him again. But it wouldn't be good for him. Being seen with a girl like me wouldn't be good for his reputation. He should spend his time better. Better, than wasting it on a girl like me…

I stare at my reflection in the mirror and I immediately avert my eyes. Looking at myself makes me want to scowl in disgust. I hate everything about myself. I walk over towards the toilet and push my index finger back in my throat as far as I can. Immediately, I start to vomit and I feel my earlier consumed food leave my body. When I'm done, a smile forms onto my face and I wipe my mouth with a paper towel. I stare at my barely-naked body in the mirror. I'm in my panties and bra, so almost everything is visible. My arms are scrawny and thin, just as my legs. My stomach is flatter than flat and I can vaguely see my ribs. Also, my collarbone is clearly visible. Still, I'm not content. Everywhere I look, I see fat. I also see the bloody scars on my underarms. Every day, I cut myself with a razorblade. The feeling of pain in my arms takes away the pain in my heart and head for a while. Watching the blood trickle onto the ground makes me feel content. _I can do this to myself. I have control over myself. I decide what happens to me and what not._ Those are the moments I feel powerful; the moments when I puke out my food and cut myself. When I look in the mirror again, I notice my pale face and lifeless eyes. I really went from a bright, cheery girl to a walking skeleton. And I like it. But still, it's not enough. I need to become thinner. I need to become prettier. To become nicer. Everybody must like me. And Gary most of all. The way that I am now, won't do. _Come on, Leaf. You got to be better._ After leaving my bathroom in my room in the Poke centre of Lavender Town, I pull on my normal attire and head downstairs. It was morning and I just puked out my breakfast. Nurse Joy said that I wasn't looking well and insisted on staying with me until I finished my breakfast. Thanks to her, I couldn't skip breakfast. But it didn't care anyway; it was now floating in the sewers. Plus, there are some extra cuts on my left underarm. I've covered them with a white cloth and some bracelets. After I get down, to ask Nurse Joy about my Ivysaur, I hear a familiar voice. A voice that makes my heart race. A voice that I haven't heard in a long time. The voice of Gary Oak.

''Is Nurse Joy here somewhere? I need to speak to her about my Blastoise.''

''She's in the back. She should be here in a minute. You can sit down and wait in the mean time. There's a coffee machine in the corner.''

''Okay, thank you.''

I want to run back upstairs, but Gary notices me. At first, his eyes narrow, almost not believing that it's me and then, his eyes widen.

''Leaf?'' He slowly asks.

Oh crap…

''Gary.'' I fake-smile back.

Gary stands up and walks over to me.

''Leaf! I haven't seen you in a long time. How have you been?'' Gary asks enthusiastically.

Then, his enthusiasm suddenly fades.

''Leaf… wow. What happened to you? You look so pale? Are you sick or something? Is everything all right?''

As much as I want to scream at him that I'm not okay, I put on a fake smile and nod.

''Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some things to do.''

I want to walk back onto the stairs, but I feel Gary grabbing my lower wrist.

''Wow, hey. Why are you in such a hurry? We haven't seen each other for seven years! Can't we at least catch up a little?''

I turn around.

''I'm sorry, but I have no time for that. Goodbye, Gary.''

I start walking up the stairs, but in the middle of it, my knees give in and I collapse.

''Leaf!'' Gary shouts and in three seconds, he's beside me.

I feel how he wraps an arm around me and lifts me up.

''It's fine, Gary. I'm just a little tired, that's all.'' I bring out, trying to steady myself again on my legs.

''Oh, cut it out. You're not just tired. You're on the edge of fainting. You should go to bed.''

''I will, but you have to let me go then.''

''I can guide you towards your room.''

''That's really not necessary.''

Then, I see Gary's expression harden.

''Damn, Leaf. Shut up and let me help you.''

I instantly close my mouth and obey. I tell him my room number and Gary supports me towards it. I reach for the doorknob, but then, I see the black spots dancing in front of me and then, I faint.

When I wake up again, I notice that I'm laying in the bed of my room in the Pokécentre and that Gary is sitting beside the bed.

''Hey.'' He says with a smile, as he notices that I've come by.

''Did you stay here all the time?'' I ask.

Gary grins.

''Of course. Did you think I would just leave you there on the ground?''

I avert my eyes from his.

''Well… yeah.''

I can see in my eye corner that Gary's gaze hardens.

''How can you possibly think that?'' He asks me, his voice slightly upset.

I purse my lips and close my eyes.

''I'm worthless. There's no way that a person like you can care about a person like me.''

For a moment, it's silent and then, I feel how somebody roughly pulls my arms and pulls me out of my bed. Before I know it, I'm in Gary's arms and I take in his scent. Over those seven years, his scent hasn't changed at all. It's still the same Gary-scent as when he was ten. It comforts me somehow.

''I can't believe you just said that. We're childhood friends, after all. I would never drop you.''

''B-But… why?'' I ask, tears starting to form in my eyes.

''Because you're important to me, Leaf.'' Gary says, pulling me a bit back so he can look me in the eyes.

I instantly focus on a spot in my lap, looking down.

''How can I be important to anyone. I'm just an ugly, annoying, despicable person.'' I murmur softly.

''Leaf! Cut it out!'' I hear Gary yell.

He grabs my left underarm and I instantly yelp. Gary frowns and then looks at my underarm. He slowly pushes my bracelets out of the way and notices the white bandage.

''What's this?'' He asks.

I immediately pull back my arm.

''Nothing.'' I reply.

Gary pulls back my arm and in a second, the bandage is removed. Gary's eyes widen as wide as possible.

''I can't believe it…'' He murmurs.

Then, he looks at me, hurt in his eyes.

''Leaf, you cut yourself?''

I avert his gaze.

''I-It's none of your concern.'' I say, pulling once again my arm back.

''It is! You're important to me!''

''Stop saying that!''

''But it's true!''

Gary grabs my chin, just so that I'm forced to look in his eyes.

''Leaf, stop doing this to yourself. You're not worth this all.''

I look away from him.

''I need to do this. I need to be punished.''

''Punished for what?''

''For being who I am.''

''But you're perfect the way you are.''

Somehow, that sentence caused butterflies in my stomach. Oh, how much I love Gary. But he must never know.

''Gary, please. Stop saying things like that.''

''Why? Because you think they're not true? Because you don't deserve them? Well, you are, Leaf. Just believe it.''

Gary takes me in his arms once again and I can feel my ribs pressing against his chest. Gary seems to notice to, because he immediately lets me go. Uh-oh…

''Leaf?'' Gary slowly asks.

''Yes?'' I nervously reply.

''Show me your body.'' Gary demands.

''What? Are you crazy? You can't just demand such a thing from a girl!'' I reply.

Gary looks dead-serious at me.

''Leaf. Show me your body.'' He repeats.

''Why?'' I ask.

''Damn it, just do it!'' Gary shouts.

''No!'' I reply, pulling the covers of my bed tighter around me.

Gary pulls them off me and then, he places his hands on my ribs.

''Oh god, no…'' He whispers, as his hands go down.

''Leaf… you've been starving yourself, too?'' Gary asks.

''I need to be pretty! I need to be gorgeous. I need people to like me.''

''But I already like you, Leaf. You don't have to do this!''

''That's a lie, Gary Oak. You don't like me. You're just saying that to make me feel better.''

''Leaf, listen to me. Stop listening to that negative voice in your head and start listening to me. You are beautiful as you are. You don't need to be skinny to be perfect. A person is born perfect. Your personality, your natural looks, they're all beautiful. To be honest, I really don't think you're pretty right now, with those ribs visible and your pale face. I want the old Leaf back. She was gorgeous.''

My eyes widen by all his statements.

''Me… gorgeous?'' I reply.

Gary nods.

''Stop being skinny and start eating. Stop cutting and start loving yourself. Become the old Leaf. You used to be such a bright person.''

My eyes water.

''Gary… I missed you so much. Why did you never contacted me? Why didn't you put efforts in finding me? I really needed you. I felt so alone.''

I start sobbing and Gary pulls me close to him once again, stroking my hair.

''I'm so sorry, Leaf. I'm so sorry for leaving you alone. I'm terrible for doing this to you. I promise that from now on, I'll never leave you anymore. Please believe that.''

''Do you promise?''

''I promise.''

He pulls me back a little and smiles. I can see that his own eyes are a bit watery.

''Leaf?''

''Yes?''

''I love you.''

My eyes widen and I find myself speechless.

''But, but-''

''Don't say that it's impossible or something like that. I've loved you since we were ten. Always have, always will.''

''Gary… I … are you serious?''

Gary nods and hugs me again.

''It's okay if you don't return my feelings. As long as you accept me to protect you.''

''But I do love you.'' I reply shyly.

I can feel Gary tense and he stares at me with utter shock in his eyes.

''You do?''

''Yes, silly! Also since we were ten!''

Gary grins and then, kisses my forehead.

''I'm glad, Leafy.''

I blush, hearing my nickname. He used to call me Leafy all the time when we were ten. Then suddenly, I feel something warm on my lips. My eyes widen, realizing that Gary Oak is kissing me. But then, I relax and let the kiss take over my thoughts. I feel Gary's tongue flicking over my lips and I give him access. Our tongues dance together in a passionate battle and my hands go up in Gary's hair. I can hear him moan softly and it only makes me want to kiss him harder, to press my body closer to him.

''Leaf, you don't know what you do to me.'' Gary says husky, after we let go.

''I could say the exact same thing to you.'' I breathe back.

In a flash, his lips are on mine again and once, a heated battle was taking place. And finally, after those seven, depressed years, I feel a spark of happiness boil inside of me.

**The End**

**Author Note: Yay, did you all like it. Wow, it's midnight. I've been writing waaaaay too long, teehee. Everyone, this was my first story. I know it was terrible. I suck at writing. WHAAAA. For all of you OldRivalShippers, I want you to show me how it's really done. Can't you write me a story with the dedication: 'A lesson to Dewi-Michelle' in the description? So I can know what a good story should be like. Thanks, already! ^_^ Bye you all! Love, Dewi-Michelle**


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